When the Rage Cycle includes destructive behavior.
While every situation is unique, there are patterns in behaviors, from the time of the “trigger” that sets off an outburst to the time the crisis is over and the child is in the recovery stage. At the peak of the outburst, the child can become physically aggressive. The most important thing to remember throughout these stages is to stay calm
For some children, irritability is connected to fear and anxiety. If the child is getting upset but can still process simple verbal information, you can try what is called a Safety Script. “This is a safe place and I won’t let hurt yourself or anyone else. I can’t let you hurt your or anyone else... because this is a safe place.”
The order of the sentences you speak is important. Do not skip or rearrange the statements. The first part calms the child if he is reacting out of anxiety, fear, or distrust. This enables the child to “cool off” enough to hear the rest of the script. Reassurance at the end will further calm fears.
What to Do at the Peak of the Crisis - techniques to consider
What to Do Immediately After the Crisis - Recovery mode
At this stage, the child is physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and fragile. Another outburst can easily occur during this time. Maintain a soft voice and tone and a calm demeanor. Provide space. Redirect the child to a pleasant activity. This is NOT a time to teach or reprimand. Do not discipline or refer to the rage behavior. Ensure that any tasks assigned are at or below the child’s functioning level. The child may want to withdraw or sleep—that’s OK. During an outburst, the thinking part of the brain tends to shut down.
"The child may want to withdraw or sleep—that’s OK.
During an outburst, the thinking part of the brain tends to shut down."
You can help reactivate that part of the brain and get the child back into his or her ‘thinking brain’ to do increasingly complex tasks. For example, have him or her sort a deck of playing cards by color. Then, depending on the age and functioning, have them sort by suit, then number, etc. This gradually shifts the brain from reacting to thinking, while the calm, tactile experience of the cards and the repetition may be soothing to some children. This kind of activity (quiet, simple, then increasingly complex) might also help defuse mounting tension before the outburst occurs.
Dealing with behavioral outbursts is exhausting. Take time for yourself; regroup. Remain calm and quiet for a while. Engage in an activity that is calming for you
Learn to Recognize Common Triggers: Transitions, Environments. Difficult social situations
Teach Coping Skills Teaching your child coping skills and supporting the use of these new skills will help him respond differently to difficult situations. Anticipate Difficult Situations and Prepare Your Child It is important to recognize and prepare your child for difficult situations.
Common triggers are:
• Transitions: Make sure that time signals are given to help smooth transitions. For example, transitioning from watching television after school to having dinner; leaving home to get into the car to go somewhere; stopping a game to take a bath.
• Environments that overwhelm the senses: Teach the child about his sensory needs and what he can do to help himself in situations that are overwhelming. Teach the child appropriate ways to escape or avoid these situations.
• Difficult social situations: Teach your child what to do in situations that are difficult, and practice the appropriate responses through role-playing.
Teach Your Child Appropriate Ways to Escape
Knowing appropriate ways to escape is a coping skill everyone uses.
• Teach your child appropriate ways to ask to leave when feeling overwhelmed, upset, or anxious, and practice the request using role-play.
• Identify a predetermined place where the child can choose to go cool down, and allow that choice.
• Develop a plan for an activity to take his mind off a problem when upset
Suggestions might include:
• Taking time out alone—wrapped up in a blanket, or hiding in an enclosed place, or in the car (if safe)
• Drawing or writing down emotions • Physically letting off steam, such as using a punching bag or a pillow to cry and scream
• Using games, fidgets, books, etc.
• Using a soothing sensory technique, such as looking at something calming, doing a heavy muscle activity (such as jumping, running), or listening to something soothing
• Deep muscle pressure. This is calming to some children; others respond to light stimulation like running their hands through sand or water or lightly stroking or scratching their skin
• Teach the child about negotiation. For example, “Is there anything we can do so you can stay and . . .?”
• Teach your child to think of feelings as signals, not problems in and of themselves. “What is this feeling telling you/us? What should happen next?”
While every situation is unique, there are patterns in behaviors, from the time of the “trigger” that sets off an outburst to the time the crisis is over and the child is in the recovery stage. At the peak of the outburst, the child can become physically aggressive. The most important thing to remember throughout these stages is to stay calm
For some children, irritability is connected to fear and anxiety. If the child is getting upset but can still process simple verbal information, you can try what is called a Safety Script. “This is a safe place and I won’t let hurt yourself or anyone else. I can’t let you hurt your or anyone else... because this is a safe place.”
The order of the sentences you speak is important. Do not skip or rearrange the statements. The first part calms the child if he is reacting out of anxiety, fear, or distrust. This enables the child to “cool off” enough to hear the rest of the script. Reassurance at the end will further calm fears.
What to Do at the Peak of the Crisis - techniques to consider
- Remove dangerous objects or attempt to get the child into a safer room.
- Don’t try to discipline; don’t use words, don’t try to reason.
- Stand at least one leg length away from the child. Instead of standing face-to-face, stand to the side (L-shape) of your child. This stance is non-confrontational and non-threatening.
- Remain in control; stay calm and quiet. Allow yourself to disengage emotionally, and don’t take the behavior personally.
- Be flexible; your child cannot.
What to Do Immediately After the Crisis - Recovery mode
At this stage, the child is physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and fragile. Another outburst can easily occur during this time. Maintain a soft voice and tone and a calm demeanor. Provide space. Redirect the child to a pleasant activity. This is NOT a time to teach or reprimand. Do not discipline or refer to the rage behavior. Ensure that any tasks assigned are at or below the child’s functioning level. The child may want to withdraw or sleep—that’s OK. During an outburst, the thinking part of the brain tends to shut down.
"The child may want to withdraw or sleep—that’s OK.
During an outburst, the thinking part of the brain tends to shut down."
You can help reactivate that part of the brain and get the child back into his or her ‘thinking brain’ to do increasingly complex tasks. For example, have him or her sort a deck of playing cards by color. Then, depending on the age and functioning, have them sort by suit, then number, etc. This gradually shifts the brain from reacting to thinking, while the calm, tactile experience of the cards and the repetition may be soothing to some children. This kind of activity (quiet, simple, then increasingly complex) might also help defuse mounting tension before the outburst occurs.
Dealing with behavioral outbursts is exhausting. Take time for yourself; regroup. Remain calm and quiet for a while. Engage in an activity that is calming for you
Learn to Recognize Common Triggers: Transitions, Environments. Difficult social situations
Teach Coping Skills Teaching your child coping skills and supporting the use of these new skills will help him respond differently to difficult situations. Anticipate Difficult Situations and Prepare Your Child It is important to recognize and prepare your child for difficult situations.
Common triggers are:
• Transitions: Make sure that time signals are given to help smooth transitions. For example, transitioning from watching television after school to having dinner; leaving home to get into the car to go somewhere; stopping a game to take a bath.
• Environments that overwhelm the senses: Teach the child about his sensory needs and what he can do to help himself in situations that are overwhelming. Teach the child appropriate ways to escape or avoid these situations.
• Difficult social situations: Teach your child what to do in situations that are difficult, and practice the appropriate responses through role-playing.
Teach Your Child Appropriate Ways to Escape
Knowing appropriate ways to escape is a coping skill everyone uses.
• Teach your child appropriate ways to ask to leave when feeling overwhelmed, upset, or anxious, and practice the request using role-play.
• Identify a predetermined place where the child can choose to go cool down, and allow that choice.
• Develop a plan for an activity to take his mind off a problem when upset
Suggestions might include:
• Taking time out alone—wrapped up in a blanket, or hiding in an enclosed place, or in the car (if safe)
• Drawing or writing down emotions • Physically letting off steam, such as using a punching bag or a pillow to cry and scream
• Using games, fidgets, books, etc.
• Using a soothing sensory technique, such as looking at something calming, doing a heavy muscle activity (such as jumping, running), or listening to something soothing
• Deep muscle pressure. This is calming to some children; others respond to light stimulation like running their hands through sand or water or lightly stroking or scratching their skin
• Teach the child about negotiation. For example, “Is there anything we can do so you can stay and . . .?”
• Teach your child to think of feelings as signals, not problems in and of themselves. “What is this feeling telling you/us? What should happen next?”